


I'll Be Your Affection

by TheFabRosevest



Series: Death [5]
Category: Cobra Starship, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is..., The Pretty Reckless
Genre: Drama, Love/Hate, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 05:32:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFabRosevest/pseuds/TheFabRosevest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>My name is Sam and my whole family situation is kind of fucked up.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Your Affection

**Author's Note:**

> So this is about the relationship between Sam and Alex. Don't like don't read.
> 
> This is the last part of the series just fyi :3

“Alright … uhm … my name is Sam and my whole family situation is kind of fucked up. I guess I should start right from the beginning.

My biological parents died in an accident when I was three. I can’t really remember it. That’s just what my parents told me. They were there and saved me. After that I lived with them for a while but just because they didn’t know where I should live till they found a family for me.

Blabla, they decided they didn’t want me to live with someone else so they got married and adopted me. Point.

Then we flew to Spain for their honeymoon and at first it was really nice but then some girl died and those creeps kidnapped me.

Then there’s the part I do remember. To save me, Dad agreed on taking a lot of sleeping pills because those guys wanted him to die. He survived and Brendon killed the bad guy. The other one is in prison.

A few years later Will and Gabe, those are friends with my parents, adopted a child as well and I was forced to spend a lot of time with him. I still know him. People would consider us a couple. He says that as well but I refuse to call us that. I just … don’t accept it.

Anyway, seems like my Dad was dead for a few years and Brendon got him back to life and that’s why he looks like that.

Can I go now?”

The psychiatrist stares at me as if I just told her I’m a unicorn.

“Uhm, what?”

I sigh and roll my eyes.

“A-are you serious?” she asks and I nod. “I hope you understand why I don’t believe a part of your story.”

“I don’t care. Can I go?” I ask and swing back and forth in my chair.

“No. Mrs Brown said you have to come here.”

“I don’t care what she says. Everyone thinks I’m crazy anyway.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy.”

“Oh really?” I ask slowly and lean forward.

“You just have a vivid imagination.”

I chuckle and look away, ready to yell at her any second now.

“Who told you that about your father?” she asks, writing something down.

“ _He_  told me that.”

“And you just believe it?”

“At first I didn’t, but really? Some creeps tried to kill him because of it and did you look at him? I don’t know why but he looks like some kind of doll … woah it’s weird to say something like that about my own father.”

She keeps staring at me.

“Talk or I’ll leave.” I say and glare at her.

“I think this is enough for now. I want to continue this the next school year as well.”

“Whatever”

I grab my backpack and get up, leaving the room quickly. School psychiatrists suck.

A sigh escapes me when I stand in the hall.

“Hey”

I flinch backwards and hit the door.

“My god, Alex. I think my heart just skipped a beat. Don’t do that ever again.” I breathe out and walk past him but he follows quickly.

“How was it?” he asks and I roll my eyes.

“What do you think? She thinks I’m crazy just like everyone else.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy.”

“That’s just because you  _know_  I’m telling the truth.”

He shrugs and opens the front door of the school for me.

“Stop this bullshit.” I hiss and push him away but he just grins and follows.

“I’m sorry. I thought it would be nice to open the door for my boyfriend.” He laughs.

“I am not your damn boyfriend. Get that into your stupid head already.” I whisper.

“Oh right, sorry. I forgot. We just make out from time to time and our parents practically planned our wedding already.”

“Another reason for me to hate this family.”

“I know you don’t mean that.”  
“Maybe but I still don’t like you.”

He sighs but keeps smiling.

“Why do you still tell yourself that?” he asks but I just groan and look around to spot Brendon’s car.

“Alright, I’m out of here. I don’t want to see you for the next two month.” I yell as I run towards the car.

“You won’t get rid of me just because we have holidays!”

I roll my eyes again and jump into the car.

“Hey” Brendon greets.

“Hey. Drive!”

“Oh, I see. You want to get away from your boyfriend.” He laughs and starts the car. “Wait. Someone picks him up as well, right?”

“Yes, Gabe will be here any minute. Another reason to hurry.”

“Whatever”

He starts the car and soon I can’t see the school anymore.

“So how was your last day?” he asks and I groan.

“It sucked just like every other day I have to spend in that shithole.”

He shrugs and silence falls over us till we reach the apartment complex. I jump out of the car and run inside. When I open the door to the apartment a bad feeling washes over me and then I hear why that is.

“Sammy!”

I look up just in time to be embraced by two strong arms.

“Hey, Aunt Taylor.” I mumble against her shirt and she shakes me before she steps back.

“Oh god, what do you already want here?” Brendon asks behind me and closes the door.

“I wanted to surprise you.” She says and places her hands on her hips. “You look old.”

“Fuck you. You’re still older than me.”

“A few years”

“Please tell me you didn’t bring Amy as well.” I plead but she smiles apologetically. “Oh no”  
Time out. I have to explain this.

You remember Collin? Taylor said she didn’t want to hit on him but she totally did and a few years later she got pregnant. The result is called Amy and she loves me. I don’t know why. People tend to like me even when I keep bitching at them.

“Sam!”

“No no no” I whisper to myself but then that six-year-old girl hugs my middle. “Take it away, please.”

“Stop being mean.” Ryan says when he walks in.

“Can I just point out again how unfair it is that Ryan doesn’t seem to age?” Taylor whines and Ryan just smiles.

She’s right. He didn’t change a bit.

“Better for me. Everyone is jealous because I have such a  _young_  husband.” Brendon laughs and wraps an arm around Ryan’s waist.

“Ew” I let out and Amy mirrors me.

Brendon grins menacingly and places a kiss on Ryan’s cheek. Amy pretends to puke and I just look away.

“Why are you here anyway?” I ask Taylor.

“We are here to pick up Gabe and Will. We all decided to fly to Spain together.”

“Wait, you just mentioned Gabe and Will. Does that mean- ”

“Well, Ry and Bren didn’t want to come and we are not going to force Alex so- ”

“No no no” I whine. “This is a joke, right?”

“No, Alex is going to stay with you for two weeks.” She cheers and I just glare at her.

“Where is Collin?” Brendon asks.

“He’s already picking up Gabe and Will and brings Alex over.”

“I want to enjoy the rest of my life in silence.” I say and walk past them towards my room.

I fall down on my bed face-forward and stay like this till I feel paws on my back.

“Kitty, get off me.” I mumble into the bedclothes but she just meows and lies down on my back.

Minutes pass and I don’t move till I hear the door open.

“Oh wow, feeling sorry for yourself again?”

“Shut up, Alex.” I mumble.

“Oh come on. Don’t act like this. We have to spend two weeks together. You should get used to it.”

“We already spent too many years together.”

He remains silent but I can imagine the smile on his face. Then I sit up in one quick motion and stare at him on what Kitty falls off me.

“Alright. Here are the rules. When I tell you to shut up, you shut up. Don’t touch me, don’t look at me.”

He rolls his eyes.

“And most important, don’t rape me.”

He starts to laugh and I glare.

“Alright. Whatever, princess. We should say goodbye.” He chuckles and leaves the room.

I mumble curses to myself and get up to follow.

“Please, take him with you.” I whine when all of them are able to hear me.

“Shut up, you know you love him.” Will laughs. “Now, say goodbye.”

After we all said our goodbyes they finally leave and Ryan, Brendon, Alex and me are on our own.

“So, I think we should talk about a few rules.” Ryan starts.

“Oh, are those the same as Sam’s?” Alex asks with a grin at me and I just glare at him.

Ryan shoots a quick glance over to Brendon before he continues.

“No parties, no drugs and stuff, no sex- ”

“Oh, he won’t get any anyway.” I interrupt with a smile and Alex imitates me but my glare stops him.

“Exactly, Ry. They are not stupid.” Brendon says but Ryan keeps his eyes on us. “Anyway, if they are not allowed to do all of this then we aren’t as well and that’s not okay.”

“Ew” Alex and I say in unison.

“Oh, right. Guys, you’re allowed to have sex.” Ryan beams.

“That’s not necessary. Really.” I plead but they already head off to the bedroom. “No!”

“Seriously, I bet my parents are worse.” Alex whispers and I shake my head. “They gave me  _the talk_ when I was six.”

“I was eight but that’s still too soon.”

“Everything is too soon with them.”

When there’s a moan coming from the bedroom we both grimace.

“Wanna go out?”

“Yep!” I say immediately and we head out.

 

*

 

“So what are we going to do for two weeks?” Alex asks.

We are sitting on the swings in the park and watch how the other people start to leave.

“I have no idea.” I whisper.

It’s silent for a while till we are the only people here.

“You know, I like moments like this.”

“Huh?” I ask.

“When you’re not bitching at me.”

I think I’m about to smile when I hear a noise and look up.

“Hey! Look! The fags!” someone yells and more people laugh.

“Oh no” Alex whispers as they come closer.

The group consists of Tony, Sophie and four other people I know from our school. They are the popular kids who hate me and they are obviously completely wasted.

“Leave us alone.” I say but they just laugh louder.

“Did you hear that? The cocksucker wants us to leave.” Sophie laughs and almost falls over.

“Stop this.” Alex hisses and glares at them.

“Oh, do you need your boyfriend to protect you?” Tony asks me before he laughs again and stumbles into Sophie so both of them fall.

“He is not my boyfriend.” I hiss loudly and get up but they just keep laughing.

“Come on. Let’s go.” Alex whispers and gets up as well.

I nod and we start to walk off. Thank god, they don’t follow us.

“Why don’t they laugh at you?” I ask.

“I don’t know. Maybe because I’m not ashamed of who I am.”  
I mumble a few curses under my breath but remain silent till we are home again.

 

*

 

When we walk inside it’s too silent.

“Hello?” I ask loudly but there’s nothing.

I look up at Alex and he just shrugs and walks past me to look into every room but the bedroom. He stops in front of the living room and waves me over. When I look inside I don’t know whether to smile or puke.

Ryan and Brendon are lying on the couch, limbs tangled together and both of them are obviously asleep.

“This is kind of cute, you know.” Alex whispers.

“Ew, just ew.”

“Aw, don’t be like this.”

“Those are my parents.” I whine and turn to walk into my room.

“Sometimes I doubt that.”

I sigh and roll my eyes, falling down on the bed in my room.

“They aren’t my real parents, dickhead.”

“Duh. What I’m trying to say is that they are cute and nice and you are kind of the opposite.” He says and shrugs.

“I just don’t like you.”

“But you act like that towards everyone.”

“Maybe. But I just hate you.”

He rolls his eyes and keeps staring at me.

“What?” I ask after a while.

“Sam, stop pretending.” He pleads.

“I’m not pretending.”

“Of fucking course you are. You would not make out with someone you don’t like.”

“Are you able to read my mind?” I whisper harshly.

“No” he says and jumps onto the bed next to me, making me let out a surprised gasp. “But I can read your body language.”

I watch him closely as he leans down so his face is hovering over mine.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks in a lazy kind of voice.

“Oh, I bet you want me to say that I’m thinking about you.” I hiss and he just grins. “Well, it’s hard not to when you’re basically breathing into my face.”

“Just stop being a bitch, Sammy.”

“Fuck you”

He laughs and leans about an inch closer.

“I’d say it’s the other way round.” He whispers.

“Stop talking like a pervert. You’re like a puppy.” I laugh in a try to stay calm.

I see him roll his eyes before he leans back.

“Even puppies can bite.” He says and jumps off the bed. “I’m hungry. What do you want?”

I sit up and watch with narrowed eyes as he leaves the room.

“This isn’t even your house! Stop acting like it is!” I yell but he just laughs.

“Stop yelling, Sam! Some people try to sleep!” I hear Ryan yell and roll my eyes.

Slowly I get up and walk into the kitchen.

“You’re making food so you’re the one getting fucked.” I mumble and sit down at the table.

“That’s bullshit. Who told you that?” Alex asks with a small smile.

“No one. I watched and learned.” I say just as Ryan walks in.

“Hey boys. Want me to make some food?” he asks and yawns, searching through the fridge.

Alex looks at Ryan and then at me, raising an eyebrow. I just nod and we start to laugh in unison.

“What’s so funny?” Ryan asks as he turns to glare at us.

“Oh nothing” I laugh and Alex just shakes his head, unable to talk.

“Why are you guys laughing? I didn’t even make a joke.” Brendon says as he walks in.

“Do you really think you’re that funny?” Ryan asks and rolls his eyes.

Brendon yawns and reaches out to grab Ryan’s hand.

“They are old enough to make some food. Come on.” He says but Ryan steps back.

“I am so not leaving them alone in my kitchen.” Ryan protests, pushing Brendon’s hand away.

“Ryan, you are not a woman so I suggest you better take that back.”

“Fuck you, they will burn down everything.”

“Dad- ” I start and he looks at me. “We aren’t babies anymore.”

Ryan rolls his eyes and smiles.

“Shut up. I will get some food ready and you guys do … whatever.”

“Oh I’m fine. I’ll just wait here.” I say and rest my chin in my palm.

Alex smiles and sits down next to me. I glare at him but he just continues smiling.

“I see. The next two weeks will be complicated.” Ryan sighs.

 

*

 

Four days pass and I just want to strangle Alex. He annoys the shit out of me.

In the second night he tried to cuddle with me but I pushed him away harshly. Since then he tries it constantly. I know he’s doing it on purpose so I get annoyed. It’s working.

When I walk into the Starbucks on the fifth morning it’s not really crowded but there are quite a few people. My gaze wanders around for a moment before I walk over to the counter and round it.

“Sam, what do you want?” the guy behind it asks. I think his name is Ky or something.

I ignore him and grab a muffin before pushing the door to the employee lounge open. It’s empty so I walk over to Brendon’s office and open the door without knocking.

“Hey” I say and sit down in one of the big chairs.

He looks up from his laptop and raises an eyebrow.

“What? I was hungry.” I explain and take a bite of the muffin.

“Everyone thinks they can just walk in and get stuff for free.” He sighs and looks at the screen again.

“Not everyone. Just Dad, Alex, William, Gabe, Taylor, Collin and me.”

He rolls his eyes and I smile.

“You just wanted to get away from your boyfriend.”

“He is not my boyfriend.” I hiss and get up to round the desk. “What are you even doing?”

Before I can see anything he closes the window and leans back.

“Nothing”

Now I’m the one raining my eyebrows. I take another bite of my muffin as my gaze wanders over the pictures on his desk. There’s one picture of Ryan beaming at the camera, one showing me when I was about six years old and the last one was taken at their wedding. I was wearing the same weird vest as Ryan and even our hair looked similar.

“Admiring my pictures, huh?” Brendon asks and I turn to look at his proud smirk.

I roll my eyes and walk over to the bookshelf.

“Seriously, Sam. You should go home and stop being a bitch.”

“Shut up”

“Don’t talk to me like this.”

“It’s a bit too late to get all strict-parent on me.”

“Oh really?”

I raises my eyebrows at him and he sighs.

“Fuck, I guess you’re right.”

With a smile I turn towards the shelf again. I’m not really looking through the books. I’m just really bored.

“Don’t you have to do something?” Brendon asks.

“Nope”

“Okay, listen” I turn to look at him and take another bite of my muffin. “When I get home we’ll rent some movies and make a movie night.”

“Hell no. Alex will try to cuddle with me.” I whine.

“Sam, just try to have some fun, okay?”

It’s a plea so I sigh and nod.

“We can get  _The Ring_. I know you wanted to see that movie since forever.”

“Oh, but it’s a scary movie, Papi.” I say in my best child-like voice. “I’m not allowed to see it.”

Brendon laughs and shakes his head.

“Go home and deal with your boyfriend.”

I eat up and glare at him.

“I’m so going to steal another muffin for that.” I say and walk over to the door.

“I’ll be home by 4.”  
“Alright”

I smile at him before walking out of the office, grabbing another muffin when I pass the counter. I will never admit it but I really look forward to our movie night.

With a big smile covering my face I make my way home.

 

*

 

“He said he would be home by 4.” I say without looking at Ryan.

“Then he should’ve been here ten minutes ago.” He whines and I roll my eyes, sitting up on the couch.

“Dear god, Dad. Are you really that paranoid?”

“I’m just saying. He’s never late.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“Hell yes, there is!” I hear Alex yell before he jumps on the couch next to me, wrapping his arms around me.

“Get off me!” I yell and push against him but he just tightens his grip.

“Shh, just accept it, Sammy. Admit that you love me.”

“Fuck off!”

He kisses my temple and I grimace.

“Boys! I’m being serious here!” Ryan whines again. “You can’t be all cute when I’m freaking out.”

“We are not cute!” I mumble and try to get out of Alex’s grip again but it’s pointless.

He wrapped himself around me like a snake.

“Don’t worry, Ryan. I bet he will be here any second.” Alex says soothingly.

“You think so?”

“Yes, of course.”

Ryan sighs and sits down in the armchair.

“I hope you’re right.” He whispers and leans his head against the headrest.

We wait for twenty more minutes and I know Ryan is freaking out again. His gaze wanders to the clock every few minutes.

“You tried calling him, right?” Alex asks him.

“Went straight to voicemail. He probably forgot to charge his phone again.”

Five more minutes pass and even I start to get curious.

“Alex, would you mind letting go now?” I ask quietly and he nods and untangles himself from me, sitting down beside me.

“Maybe he just had a lot of work to do?” I try but Ryan just chuckles.

“He never really works anyway.”

“True”

I start fiddling with my hands awkwardly. Alex is watching the movement as well till he can’t stand it anymore and reaches out to stop me.

I’m about to glare at him when I hear Ryan groan. My head snaps up to look at him. He’s still sitting in the armchair, holding his knees up to his chest. His eyes look unfocused as if he’s about to pass out.

“Dad? Are you okay?”

He blinks a few times in a try to focus on me.

“Uhm, yeah. Just a bit dizzy.” He whispers weakly.

Something isn’t right.  
“Are you sure?”

“Yes”

The phone rings and I frown. Ryan’s eyes snap open and he tries to get up but ends up falling instead.

“Dad!” I yell and jump off the couch to help him up again.

“Shit” I hear Alex mumble as he crouches down next to me. “He’s unconscious.”

“What is happening? What are we going to do?” I start to ramble but Alex grabs my face and stares at me.

“Calm down. I’m going to get the phone and see who it is. Maybe it’s Brendon. Then I’ll call 911, okay?”

I nod quickly and watch as he gets up and leaves the room. My gaze rests on Ryan again. Slowly I hold my hand in front of his face and relief washes over me as I feel his breath on my skin.

In the next room Alex is talking on the phone but I can’t make out any words. In my frustration I lean down to rest my head on Ryan’s chest. His heartbeat doesn’t sound right. It’s too slow and uneven.

Tears fill my eyes and I close them, pressing my face into Ryan’s shirt.

When I hear footsteps I look up with teary eyes to see Alex stand over me.

“Brendon had a car accident.” He says, his expression unreadable. “He’s in a coma.”

 

*

 

I feel nothing as we sit in the waiting room of the hospital. Brendon was already here so Alex called an ambulance for Ryan right away.

I expected him to wake up as soon as we got here but he didn’t.

His condition is critical so they took him away immediately as we got out of the ambulance car.

I don’t look up when I feel a hand on my knee, I just keep staring ahead.

“Stop this. You’re driving me crazy.” Alex says softly.

Oh, I didn’t even notice my leg bouncing up and down.

I say nothing but stop the movement.

“Are you okay?”

Before I can answer or decide to ignore him a nurse walks up to us. She just nods, silently telling us to follow.

We get up and Alex grabs my hand.

I don’t even think about pushing it away.

We walk through several hallways till the nurse stops and opens a door, walking in after us.

I have to swallow at the image in front of me.

There are two beds in the room. Brendon is lying on the one by the door and Ryan got the one near the window.

The heart monitors already drive me crazy.

Both of them look miserable, pale and lifeless like corpses with the difference that Brendon is covered in bruises.

“When are they going to wake up?” I ask weakly.

“I’m very sorry.” The nurse says. “We don’t know. There’s the possibility that they never wake up. Both of their conditions are very critical.”

I just nod.

“Can we … be alone for a while?” Alex asks and seconds later the door opens and closes again. “I’m so sorry, Sam.”

I hear him say it but I don’t really acknowledge it.

“I don’t understand this. There is no distance. What is wrong?” I whisper.

“I don’t know.”

“B-but- ”

Alex turns and looks at me.

“Listen, I will call my Dad now and ask him what might be wrong, okay?” he says slowly and I just nod and watch him leave since phones aren’t allowed in the bedrooms.

I turn to look at the beds again and my eyes move from one to another.

My frustration doubles as I realize what might happen if they don’t ever wake up. Of course I would have Alex and his family but…

“No” I whimper and walk over so I stand between the beds.

I feel so helpless and alone that I can’t take it anymore. I sit down on Ryan’s bed and take a hold of his cold hand.

Brendon told me about this phenomenon often. I always run to Ryan first.

Every time I hurt myself when I was younger or when I had a nightmare, or even when I found a ladybug in the park…

I always ran to Ryan first no matter how much closer Brendon was.

That doesn’t mean I like him better. I just…

People always say how the bond between a mother and her child is stronger and I kinda feel like it’s the same with Ryan and me.

Of course he’s not my ‘mother’ but that’s the easiest way to describe our relationship.

I’m ripped away from my thoughts when the door opens and Alex walks in.

“Hey” he whispers and walks closer to me, holding up the distance.

“What did he say?” I ask weakly and Alex sighs.

“Brendon’s condition has no influence on Ryan’s well-being. He just has to be alive. The only explanation is that he’s somewhere between life and death, with only the machines holding him here.

I’m about to say something when the nurse walks in again.

“I’m sorry but you have to leave now.” She says. “Visiting times for this area are over.”

“Can you please tell me what’s going on? Are they going to make it?” I ask, getting up.

“Boy, I’m sorry. We don’t know if Brendon’s going to make it through the night. He has to be really lucky to do so. Well, Ryan… we have no idea what is wrong with him. He should be perfectly fine.”

Alex and I nod and then it’s silent for a while.

“So we just wait? Isn’t there something we can do?” I plead but she just shakes her head.

“I’m sorry, boy.”

I nod and look down, thinking about the worst thing that could happen.

I could end up completely alone. There is nothing worse than that.

Alex grabs my hand but I don’t move.

“Sam, come on. There is nothing we can do.” He whispers, tugging at my hand.

“I can’t leave.” I whimper and look up at him with wet eyes.

“And you can’t stay here.” He says softly.

I push his hand away and step back.

“I won’t leave. I can’t just sit at home, waiting for them to die.”

“Kid, I have to call the security if you refuse to leave.” The nurse warns and Alex grabs my hand again.

“It’s okay. We’ll leave.” He says and pulls at my hand so I stumble forward.

He keeps doing that till we’re out of the room.

“Alex, what the fuck?!” I cry and step back as soon as he lets go.

“You’re freaking out and I understand that but you have to realize that you can do nothing.” He explains slowly, walking towards me as if I’m a scared animal.

I look at the ground and cry silently, not shying away when he wraps his arms around me in a comforting hug.

I don’t push away and cry into his shoulder.

 

*

 

I don't say a single word on the bus ride home. Alex holds my hand the whole time and refuses to let go till we're home.

I try to open the door but my hand is shaking too much. Alex reaches out and takes the key out of my hands, quickly opening the door.

He rests his hand on the small of my back and leads me inside, closing the door behind us.

"Do you want to sleep?" he asks softly.

I shake my head.

"Are you hungry?"

Another shake.

"What do you want to do?"

I lower my gaze and turn away, walking into the living room where I sit down on the couch.

Alex walks in after a few seconds but I don't look up.

"Sam, don't act like this."

I just stare ahead of me.

"Listen, we will visit them tomorrow again."

When I look up he smiles sadly and sits down next to me.

"I don't think there will be a reason for that." I whisper.

"Stop. They won't die."

I chuckle without humor.

"It sounded pretty obvious to me." I mumble. "Brendon won't make it. That's the only explanation for Dad breaking down. He would be fine otherwise."

My voice breaks in the end and hot tears fill my eyes.

I expect Alex to say something, to tell me that I'm wrong, but he just looks down and remains silent.

"I don't want to be alone." I sob weakly, the first tears rolling down my cheeks.

"You're not alone. No matter what happens, you’re not alone.” Alex says softly and I can hear that he’s near tears too.

I want to say something but when I open my mouth no sound comes out. Alex lets out a deep breath and turns to look at me. I raise my gaze and he leans forward to kiss my cheek before wrapping his arms around me.

“I wish I could tell you that everything’s going to be okay.” He whispers and I whimper, holding onto him for dear life.

“I’m so sorry.” I sob. “I always act like a fucking asshole. I don’t even know why I’m doing it.”

“It’s okay.” He whispers and rubs my back. “Let’s just sleep.”

I nod and he helps me off the couch, taking my hand again and basically pulling me into my room.

Kitty lies on top of the bedclothes and looks up when we enter.

I let go of Alex’s hand and sit down on the bed, petting her. She gets up and meows, jumping into my lap and rubbing her head on my chest.

“Hey pretty lady” I whisper and she meows.

It sounds pained somehow and I can’t help but sob again.

“It’s going to be okay, Kitty.” I whisper and squeeze her.

It’s easier to say it to a cat than believing it myself.

Alex sits down next to me and places a hand on my knee. I just keep petting Kitty.

“Should I get you some sleeping pills?” he asks and I nod slowly. “Okay”

He gets up and leaves the room just to come back a minute later with a pill and some water. I take it from him and swallow the pill quickly.

“Come on” he whispers and pulls the covers back, causing Kitty to fall off the bed.

“No. Kitty.” I mumble and reach my arms out.

He sighs and picks the cat up to place her next to my head. I push my face into her soft fur and let the tears fall again.

The mattress sinks and Alex lies down next to me.

We stay like that for a few minutes before I start to get tired. My eyes fall shut and I take a deep breath. The mattress moves and then there are arms around me.

Then I fall asleep.

 

*

 

I wake up in the middle of the night.

Alex is squeezing me like a teddy and Kitty is lying on my legs on top of the covers.

A groan escapes Alex as I try to free myself from his grip. Thankfully he doesn’t wake up and Kitty just looks at me for a moment before lying down again.

I climb off the bed and walk out of the room, along the hall and into the other bedroom.

The bed is illuminated by the moonlight shining in.

It’s empty, of course.

My gaze lowers at that.

I really wish all of this would be a nightmare so I’d wake up any second.

I bite my lip and walk further into the room, touching the bedclothes. My gaze wanders around the room and lands on a cupboard with a box on it. There’s a note with a heart on it.

A sad smile covers my face when I remember what’s in there.

 

*

 

When Alex finds me I’m sitting on the couch in front of the TV, my knees drawn up to my chest as I watch.  
“Sam, what- ” he starts and walks over to me. “What are you watching?”

I look up at him quickly before watching the TV again.

“Remember when Brendon got that video camera?” he nods. “Well, he always saved the recordings.”

Alex smiles slightly and plops down next to me.

“Hey, I remember that. That was your… eighth birthday, right?” he asks and I nod, resting my head on his shoulder.

The TV shows a long table with a cake on it, eight candles decorating it and a beaming boy looking at it with wide eyes…

 

_The boy was beaming at the large cake like it was the best thing in the world. He couldn’t wait to eat it. He loved cake._

_“That’s not fair. I want my own cake too.” The blond boy next to him whined, making grabby hands for it._

_“It’s mine! You can’t have it, Alex!” eight-year-old Sam said and stuck his tongue out at Alex who just pouted._

_“You will have your own cake when it’s your birthday.” Ryan said, lighting the candles. “I bet William will make one.”_

_“But his cakes suck!” Alex stated, earning a glare by his father._

_Taylor, who was holding the camera, laughed and Ryan chimed in._

_“Can I make a wish now, Daddy?” Sam asked, ready to blow the candles out._

_“We have to wait for Papa first.”_

_“Where is he?”_

_“Oh, I don’t know.” Ryan said with fake-cluelessness._

_Sam pouted up at Ryan so he didn’t notice when Alex grabbed a tiny piece of the cake._

_“Alex, put that back!” William said but Gabe just laughs._

_“Get me a piece too!” he said and Alex beamed at him, reaching out again._

_Ryan hit his hand away softly._

_“Alex!” Sam yelled and glared at his friend who just chewed happily._

_“I heard it’s someone’s birthday!” someone yelled and a second later that someone picked Sam up in one quick motion._

_Sam screamed because the person was wearing a monster mask and fitting claws._

_“I think I have to eat you now!” the person yelled and pretended to eat Sam’s hair._

_The boy kept screaming so Ryan rolled his eyes and walked over to them, pulling the monster mask off Brendon._

_“Hey! My costume!”_

_Ryan glared and motioned for him to put Sam down which he did. The boy stuck his tongue out and ran over to the table again._

_“I wanted to surprise him.” Brendon whined with a pout._

_Ryan kissed him quickly and sighed._

_“I know but I think wearing a scary monster mask and claws wasn’t the best ideas to do so.”_

_“Okay, I’ll just do that on your birthday then.” He whispered and smirked. “Ever got bitten by a monster?”_

_“Shut up” Ryan breathed with a smile and walked over to the table as well. “Now you can make a wish.”_

_Sam beamed and leaned forward, taking a deep breath and blowing the candles out. Everyone started clapping except Alex who tried to steal some cake again._

 

…

“You were such a cute boy.” Alex laughs and I just chuckle. “Well, you still are.”

“Stop talking, please.”

Alex sighs and looks down.  
“Sorry” he mumbles. “We should sleep some more. It’s 1 am.”

“I don’t want to.” I say and get up to get the next recording.

I read the note on it and sigh.

“This was when I fell down the tree and got a concussion.” I tell Alex and he frowns. “Brendon almost broke his camera when it fell.”

“Oh, I do remember that too. Wasn’t too nice. But wasn’t that when you were… like six?”

I nod and start the recording, remembering this pretty well…

 

_There were too many kids on the playground for Sam’s liking so he and Alex preferred climbing the trees near it. Brendon was standing next to the tree, looking up at them and making sure they won’t climb too high while holding that stupid camera. Ryan was sitting on a bench nearby, reading a book._

_“Look, Sam! I can reach this branch!” Alex yelled and grabbed a branch over his head._

_Sam pouted and raised his hands for one above his head but he was too small._

_“You midget” Alex teased._

_Sam bit his lip and tried standing on his tip-toes._

_“Be careful!” Brendon yelled from underneath them but Sam ignored him and kept trying to reach the damn branch._

_He almost managed when his foot slipped and he fell, hitting the ground hard. It had been maybe three feet so it was a pretty high fall for such a small boy._

_“Sam!” Brendon cried and crouched down next to him, letting the camera fall into the dirt. “I told you to be careful.”_

_Sam tried to sit up and started crying._

_“Where does it hurt?” his father asked but he just kept crying._

_“What happened?” Ryan yelled and ran over to them._

_The small boy cried out as he got up and tried running over to Ryan clumsily._

_“My head hurts, Daddy!”_

_Ryan kneeled in front of him and wrapped his arms around him._

_“Shh” he whispered but Sam just kept crying. “Does it hurt somewhere else?”_

_The kid drew back and nodded, lifting his hand which was covered in blood and dirt._

_“Oh no, we have to clean this.”_

_“I feel sick.” Sam whined. “And tired.”_

_Ryan looked up at Brendon who shrugged._

_“We should go see a doctor.”_

_Ryan picked the boy up, grimacing. He was getting to heavy to get carried around._

_Alex jumped off the tree and ran over to them._

_“What’s wrong? Are we leaving? Are you okay, Sam?”_

_“I’ll take you home.” Brendon said and Alex frowned._

_“Hurry!” Ryan yelled and started walking, almost running, away._

_“You worry too much!” Brendon said loudly and grabbed his camera off the ground before motioning for Alex to follow._

…

 

“That was totally your fault.” I mumble and Alex shrugs.

“You’re still alive.” He says and gets up, turning the TV off. “And now we sleep.”

“I don’t want to.” I whine and get up to look for another recording.

Alex crouches down next to me and places a hand on my arm to stop me.

“No, Sam. We will sleep now. I get that you’re worried and whatever but you can’t keep doing this all night.”

“I can.”

“No, come on.”

He takes my hand and pulls me out of the room.

“I don’t want to sleep.” I whisper but Alex just pushes me down on the bed and lies down next to me, still holding my hand.

“Shh. Sleep.”

I mumble a few curses under my breath but realize how tired I am. With a sigh I turn away from Alex and fall asleep, dreaming of falling.

 

*

 

I’m alone when I wake up. Frowning, I reach out to touch the empty space next to me and it’s cold. With a groan I sit up and spot Kitty lying at my feet. I smile sadly and reach out to pet her head quickly before I get off the bed and out of the room.

Alex is sitting at the kitchen table, phone pressed to his ear. I hear him talking quietly but can’t make out the words.

I don’t know whether to wait here or to just walk in. In the end I just wait till he hangs up and sighs.

“Hey” I say and walk in, making him jump a bit.

He turns in his seat and looks at me.

“Oh, good morning”

I nod towards the phone lying on the table.

“That was Gabe. He just told me they are going to take the next flight back home.”

I sigh and nod.

“Okay”

Alex watches me for a while before he gets up.

“Are you okay?” he asks and grips my shoulders carefully so I have to look at him.

“Not really”

“Listen. We will go to the hospital today. Visiting hours are from 3 to 6 so we only have three hours so- ”

“What? I can’t wait that long.” I whine.

He just smiles sadly and wraps me into a hug. I expect him to say something but he remains silent and we stay like that for a few minutes till the phone rings again.

He lets go of me and kisses me quickly before picking up.

“Hello?”

I just stand there and watch the floor as he listens to whoever this is. After a few minutes he thanks the person and hangs up.

“Who was that?” I ask without looking up.

“The hospital”

My head shoots up.

“Ryan’s awake.”

 

*

 

I almost start yelling at the bus driver to fucking drive faster because why does he even have to stop at places that aren’t the hospital. It’s not fair.

Alex just keeps holding my hand through the whole bus ride.

When we finally arrive at the hospital I stumble out of the bus and run over to the entrance.  
“Sam, wait!” Alex calls after me but I don’t stop.

I pass the reception where a lady starts yelling after me. A few nurses try to hold me back but I push past them with easy, soon reaching their floor.

I stop running and start walking normally when I see the door.

When I reach it I push it open quickly and look around. The bed beside the window is empty and neat. My gaze wanders to the other bed where Brendon is still lying, looking the same as yesterday. There’s a chair next to it, occupied by a person.

The door closes loudly behind me and the person looks up.

“Sam” Ryan whispers.

“Hey” I squeak.

He was crying. I know it. His eyes are red and swollen. Oh god, he just looks miserable in general.

“Are you okay?” he asks and gets up.

I nod and lung forward to hug him.

“You fucking scared me.” I sob. “I thought I would end up alone.”

He chuckles and pats my back.

“I’m sorry.”

The door opens again and Alex storms in.

“Sam, you can’t just run in here like that. The nurses are going crazy.” He says.

I step back and smile at him.

“Do you think I care?”

He rolls his eyes and smiles at Ryan.

“Good to see you on your feet again, Ry.”

Ryan just nods.

I let my gaze wander over to where Brendon is still lying.

“Guys, you know this means he will be okay.” Alex says carefully.

Ryan nods again and closes his eyes.

“Maybe he won’t die but what if he doesn’t wake up?” he asks and looks up again. “They will turn the machines off eventually.”

“Not anytime soon.”

“But in the end it will happen. And then…”

“Just don’t think like that.”

“I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“Please stop talking about it.” I whisper and they shut up immediately. “I don’t want to think about the things that might happen.”

Ryan nods and sighs, turning around and sitting by Brendon’s bed again.

“So what are we going to do now? Are you going to stay here?” Alex asks Ryan.

“No, I have to leave when the visiting hours end.”

“Isn’t the hospital a bit too far away?” I ask and Ryan just shrugs.

“I managed worse.” He mumbles and starts fiddling with the bracelet he always wears.

 

*

 

We stay at the hospital for three hours. It’s mainly Ryan sitting by Brendon’s bed and Alex and me sitting by the table in the corner.

When the door opens and the nurse walks in we look up and I sigh.

“You have to leave now.” She says and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

Alex and I get up and I look over at Ryan who bites his lip nervously before leaning down to kiss Brendon’s forehead.

“Please wake up soon.” He whispers before he gets up as well and we leave the room.

The whole bus ride home is silent.

I sit next to Ryan, who’s just looking out of the window, and Alex sits behind us.

By the time we get home Ryan already has a headache but at least he’s not going to break down.

“Do you guys want to eat something or- ”

“No, Ryan. You’re going to lie down or something and I’ll make some food.” Alex says and pushes him towards the living room.

Ryan just nods and mumbles a soft “Thanks” before he disappears down the hall.

I look after him and sigh.

“You should get some rest too.” Alex suggests but I shake my head and sit down on the kitchen table.

“I’m fine.” I say but he rolls his eyes.

“Bullshit. Go and occupy yourself with something.”

I’m too exhausted to argue so I just nod and leave the kitchen.

“Sam?”

I stop at Ryan’s voice and walk into the living room.

He’s sitting on the couch, looking up at me with wet eyes. I sit down next to him and look at him quizzically.

“I’m sorry.” He says and I frown.

“What for?”

“I know we scared you.”

“Yes, you did but it wasn’t your fault.”

“I know but…anyway. I just wanted to say that I love you.”

“Love you too but why all of this?”

“Well we don’t know what will happen and- ”

“What?! No, you are not going to die.”

He smiles sadly and looks away.

“If Brendon doesn’t make it- ”

“He is going to make it.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Stop this!” I say loudly and get up. “You’re not going to die.”

He opens his mouth but I turn and leave the room.

No, they have to make it.

 

*

 

A week passes and nothing changes.

We visit Brendon every day and with every passing day we get worse.

It’s a Saturday and we just arrived at the apartment when there’s a knock on the door.

“I’ll check who it is.” Ryan mumbles and leaves the kitchen.

“He’s just getting worse.” Alex says and I nod.

When there are voices we look up.

“Sammy! Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Taylor calls as she walks in.

“I’m okay.” I whisper.

“No, you’re not.”

“I am.”

“Stop lying.”

I sigh and turn my head away. I see Alex and Taylor exchange looks out of the corner of my eyes but I couldn’t care less.

A few minutes later William, Gabe, Collin and Amy walk in.

We greet each other for a few minutes before we decide to sit down in the living room.

Ryan, Will and Gabe take one couch and Taylor, Collin and Amy the other. My gaze falls on Alex who’s sitting in the armchair, smiling apologetically.

Without thinking I walk over and sit down in his lap, leaning back again him. He wraps his arms around my middle and I think I feel him kissing the back of my head.

“So…” Will starts.

“Guys, I appreciate that you worry about us but we’re fine, I swear.” Ryan says quickly.

“Don’t be stupid, Ry. You’re not.” Taylor argues. “And I totally understand it.”

“Well, maybe we’re not fine but we’ll manage.”

“I don’t care. We will check into a nearby hotel and- ”

“Ty, I don’t think that’s really necessary.” Will says and Taylor sits back, pouting. “You guys should go home. You can call every day.”

She nods and looks away.

“Dad?” Alex asks and William looks up. “Can I stay here?”

Will smiles sadly and nods. Alex’s grip tightens a bit but I still don’t move.

“Will, isn’t there something in one of your books that might help us?” Ryan asks desperately.

“I don’t know. There might be. Listen, I’ll do a bit research as soon as I get home and tomorrow I come by and show you what I’ve got, okay?”

Ryan nods and sits back again.

“I’d say you guys leave. The drive takes you two days and I guess Amy is already tired.” Will tells Taylor and Collin.

They leave quickly after a few hugs and tears.

Alex and I stay in our armchair though. After a few minutes I close my eyes in a try to sleep.

I hear Ryan, Will and Gabe talking quietly in the kitchen but I can’t make out words.

I sit there for almost half an hour and I’m about to fall asleep when I hear footsteps.

“Shh, they’re asleep.” Gabe whispers.

“Good, Sam has problems sleeping lately.” Ryan whispers softly. “He doesn’t take this well.”

“Duh”

“So how is Brendon at the moment?” Will asks and then it’s silent for a second.

“I talked to his doctor when the boys were down in the cafeteria.” Ryan sighs. “He said he doesn’t think he’ll make it. If his organs stop working then the machines are the only thing keeping him alive and then there’s no chance he will wake up so they’ll turn them off.”

“But why are you even awake then?” Gabe asks.

“At first his heart wouldn’t work properly and they can’t keep it beating with machines so till the worst part was over… I was kinda… gone.”

There’s some shuffling and I think I hear Ryan sob.

“Ryan, I know you don’t want it but we need to find a way to free your soul from his. Otherwise you’ll die as well.” Will whispers softly.

“I know that, Will. It’s all I think about since I woke up.” Ryan sobs.

No one says a word and Ryan’s whimpers are the only thing breaking the silence.

“You should sleep.” Will says and a few minutes later they leave the room.

I don’t move for a while till I can’t help it anymore.

I turn around and bury my face in Alex’s shoulder as I start to cry quietly.

 

*

 

When I wake up I feel like I didn’t sleep at all. I groan and bury my head in the pillow again.

“You should get up.” A voice says and I open one eye to see Alex watching me.

“Dude, did you watch me sleep?” I mumble sleepily and he just smiles apologetically. “Creepy”

He shrugs and leans forward to kiss my cheek. He doesn’t draw back immediately but stays close.

“You’re not as mean anymore.” He says with a small smile.

“Well…”

“How come?”

I roll my eyes and turn onto my back so his face is hovering over mine.

“Let’s just say…I realized how quickly you can lose someone.” I whisper and he smiles.

In the next moment his lips meet mine and I close my eyes, wrapping my arms around him.

“Boys…oh, sorry”

I groan and Alex pulls away.

“What, dad?” I hiss and Ryan smiled apologetically.

“Alex, your father is here. I just thought you guys would like to sit with us. You have to eat something anyway.”

Alex sighs and gets up.

“I guess there aren’t any news?” I ask and Ryan shakes his head. “Didn’t expect it anyway.”

He leaves the room and we get dressed before we head into the kitchen.

“Hey dad” Alex greets and William just nods while reading.

The book looks kinda old and dirty.

I sit down next to Ryan and minutes later Alex places a bowl in front of me.

“Eat” he demands and sits down as well.

I roll my eyes but start to eat.

“Alright” William starts and everyone looks at him. “There isn’t much we can do.”

I see Ryan’s face fall.

“But there is something?”

“Ry, you are overreacting. It’s too soon to freak out.”

“No, Will. I’m not taking a risk. Now tell me the options.”

Will sighs and closes the book.

“We can either destroy the bond between Brendon and you or- ”

“Or what?”

“Or make a deal with the devil.”

The room is silent after that and everyone is staring at William.

“What? Are you serious?” I ask after a few minutes to break the ice.

“It’s not really a deal with the devil since the devil doesn’t exist.” William explains with a small smirk.

“What?” Ryan asks dumbly.

“It’s basically the same. You make a deal with a demon.”

“A demon? Those exist?”

“Yes, they do.”

“So does hell exist too? I was pretty sure it doesn’t.”

“It doesn’t and demons aren’t born like that anyway. A demon is a ghost that turned evil.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow.

“When someone who was murdered – like you back then – kills their murderer then the ghost turns into a demon.”

“You mean the ghost kills someone?”

“Yep”

“And what’s the difference then?”

“Well, the demon can’t go over to the other side. It’s damned to spend its whole life on earth. They live off souls they earn in deals.”

Ryan sighs.

“Alright and how can one of those things help us?”

“We could find a demon and make a deal with it.” William says.

“But doesn’t that include selling your soul or something?” I ask.

“Obviously.”

I start to laugh.

“You guys are joking, right?”

William raises an eyebrow at me and I stop.

“You’re not?”

“Well, I won’t let anyone – Ryan – do something stupid just yet but if the situation seems hopeless…well…”

My eyes widen.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Do you want Brendon to die?” Ryan asks and I shake my head quickly. “Then it’s settled. We wait and if he doesn’t get better then we’ll go find a demon.”

I think about something to say but remain silent.

“So I think the first idea isn’t an option.” Will mumbles and Ryan gets up.

“No” he says and leaves the room.

The front door slams shut and we flinch.

No one says a word for a while after that.

“I can’t believe this.” Alex says and leans back.

“Is he serious?” I ask and William nods.

“I’m afraid he is.”

“Dear god”

“Sam, he would do pretty much everything for Brendon. You need to understand that.”

I bite my lip and nod.

“But in the end, if the thing with the demon wouldn’t work, he would even break the bond. He would do it for you.”

I say nothing and lower my gaze.

“Alex, I guess you’ll stay here?”

Alex nods and William gets up.

“Alright then. I think I should go look after Ryan. He isn’t as naïve anymore so I don’t think he’ll do something stupid but you never know.”

We nod and he leaves quickly.

“I don’t know what to think about this.” I say and bury my face in my hands.

“Just don’t think about it too much.”

“Alex, my father wants to make a deal with a demon.”

“Maybe it doesn’t even come to that.”

I sigh and look up at him.

“I just want Brendon to wake up so all of this can be over.”

“We all want that.”

 

*

 

Later that day we visit Brendon at the hospital again and the doctor just shakes his head when Ryan asks if anything changed.

We keep doing that for a while. William, Gabe, Alex, Ryan and I visit the hospital every day for the next month. Then Will and Gabe don’t come with us as much anymore.

Somewhere between school starts again and Alex and I barely go there anymore, mainly because I just can’t take it anymore.

But no matter what happens Ryan visits him every single day.

I don’t go to the therapist this year. My teachers ask me why I’m not going but I always just say that I have a lot to do.

Three more months pass and Ryan is a wreck.

He barely eats anymore and I found him looking through pictures at midnight more than once.

But no matter how down he is he visits Brendon  _every day_.

School got a lot easier though. I guess Ryan called to tell them what’s going on or whatever. All I know is that most people know what’s going on in my family so they leave me alone. Even the teachers stopped annoying me.

I can basically just sit through every class without doing anything and that’s really nice to be honest.

Well then there’s music class.

“Alright class, all of you know that our school prom is in two months so you need to learn how to dance.” Our teacher explains and I sigh and turn to Alex.

“Is she serious?” I whisper and he shrugs. “I won’t fucking dance.”

He just chuckles and keeps looking at the teacher while leaning down to me.

“Why not? By the way, do you already have a date for the prom?”

I roll my eyes and punch his side.

“Yes, I will go with you asshole.”

“Who said I want you to be my date.”

I raise an eyebrow at him when everyone suddenly starts to move.

“Wait, what are we supposed to do?”

Alex turns towards me and smirks.

“We have to form pairs.”

“What for?”

“What do you think?”

“No, I told you I won’t dance.”

“Don’t be a bitch, Sammy.”

I mumble some curses under my breath but step closer to him, waiting for the teacher to explain.

“The most common dance is an easy waltz.” She says and shows us the steps.

Everyone watches her for a while before turning to their partners.

“I won’t dance.” I repeat but Alex just sighs and takes my hand.

“You have to.”

“No”

“Yes”

He pulls so I turn to look at him.

“One hand on my shoulder.” He says and I roll my eyes but do as I am told.

He places a hand on my hip and I raise an eyebrow.

“Wait, I’m so not the girl.” I chuckle and he squeezes my hip.

“Do you want to dance with a girl instead?”

I shake my head.

“Then one of us has to be the girl and since I’m taller and you act like one most of the time I guess you have to take that role.”

I glare at him but remain silent.

“Now, let’s try this.”

I take a deep breath and look down at our feet, trying to get the steps right. After a few minutes we manage to build up a rhythm and I look up at him.

“I’m so skipping that prom if I have to dance like this.” I bitch and he squeezes my hip again.

“Keep bitching and I will force you to wear a dress.”

“Ha fucking ha”

“You know Ryan would help me.”

“Well fuck”

 

*

 

“I think I should go home for a while.” Alex says on the way home.

I look up at him and shrug.

“You decided to stay with me.” I mumble.

“Well yes, I don’t really want to leave you alone with all the shit that’s going on. I just think my parents might forget my face if I don’t come home for a while.” He chuckles and wraps an arm around me.

“True, Gabe would start feeding some stranger because he forgot what you look like.” I laugh and Alex nods.

“Exactly. I don’t want that to happen.”

“Understandable”

“So…see you later?”

I nod and watch as he walks into the other direction. A sigh escapes me and I make my way home on my own. When I arrive there I frown because it doesn’t smell like food and I don’t hear Ryan hum to himself or whatever. I walk in and look around but there’s no one there. With a frown I walk into the kitchen and there’s a note on the fridge.

 

_I’ll stay in the hospital over night_

_I made some pizza_ _♥_

_Love, dad_

 

I shrug and open the fridge.

 

*

 

I spend the whole day in front of the TV with Kitty in my lap. She’s purring loudly and I pet her unconsciously with one hand while munching some popcorn with the other. There’s some shitty movie on but I got so bored that I started watching it anyway.

When my phone buzzes I groan and reach out to grab it. It’s a text from Alex.

 

_Come meet me at the park?_

 

I look down at Kitty and she meows.

“Do you think I should go?” I ask her and she gets up. “Wow, is that a yes or a no?”

She leaves the room and I groan before getting up and grabbing a hoodie.

“I just hope there’s a good reason.” I mumble to myself before leaving.

Then minutes later I arrive at the park and see Alex on the swing with a bottle in his hand.

“Hey!” he cheers and runs over to me to hug me.

“Uh, hey?”

I draw back and observe him.

“Are you drunk?”

He shakes his head but I raise an eyebrow and look at the bottle in his hand.

“Okay, maybe a bit. Gabe gave me the vodka because Will didn’t allow him to drink it.”

“Wow, your family needs a sitcom.”

“I know, right? That would be so funny! And you would be the guest star and everyone would start cheering every time you show up!” he laughs and runs back to the swings.

I take a deep breath before following and sitting down on the swing next to him.

“Want some?” he asks and holds the bottle out.

“Not really.”

“Oh come on!”

“No”

“Please!”

“No”

“Sammy! I wanna make out and you’re a bitch right now so please get drunk with me so we can make out.”

I glare at him but take the bottle and take a small sip.

“Ugh, I hate vodka.” I hiss and hand it back to him.

“Me too”

“Then why did you drink it?”

“I don’t know.”

I look at him and he just stares at the ground.

This is the first time that it occurs to me that Ryan and I aren’t the only ones suffering because of everything that happened. Alex always tries to be the strong one so I don’t have to be but now I see that he isn’t as strong as I thought.

“Hey, are you okay?” I whisper and he chuckles and nods. “You don’t look okay.”

“I just- ” he stops and looks at me. “I just really want all this to be over so everyone can be happy again but I guess that’s not an option with out families.”

“Nothing is easy with our fucked up life.” I mumble and he beams at me. “What?”

“You said  _our life_.”

“Well, our parents basically planned our wedding already and you know that my father always gets what he wants.” I shrug and smile at the ground.

“Aw, you like me.”

“You know I do. It’s not like I have another choice.”

“True”

I nod and look over the dark playground.

“Can we make out now?” he asks and I laugh.

“No”

“Why not? You just confessed that you like me.”

“Yes, but you’re drunk.”

“Then get drunk with me.”

“No, remember the last time I got drunk?”

“Of course I do.” He giggles with a lazy smirk. “Sadly you weren’t drunk enough.”

“I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that.”

He laughs and gets up to stand in front of me, taking my hands and pulling me to my feet.

“You are acting like a bitch again.” He slurs and pouts. “I prefer the other Sam.”

“The other Sam?”

“The one that isn’t a bitch all the time.”

I’m about to bitch at him but he sounds really sad so I sigh and step closer to him. He smiles and hugs me.

“By the way, are you my boyfriend by now?”

I roll my eyes and poke his side.

“I think I’ve been since the first time you kissed me.”

“But you always said you weren’t.”

“Yeah… as you said, that was bitchy me.” I laugh.

“Hm true. So now you’re not bitchy you?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Good, does that mean we can make out?”

I sigh and take the bottle from him.

“I think you’ve had enough for tonight. Are you coming with me or do you want to go home?”

“Wherever you go I follow.” He giggles and I throw the bottle away. “Now let’s make out.”

“No, we can cuddle but that’s it.”

“Fine with me.”

 

*

 

**3 rd POV**

 

Ryan is sitting beside the bed, holding Brendon’s hand while he waits for the doctor to come.

“Mr. Urie?”

He looks up and takes a deep breath before letting go of his husband’s hand and walking over to the man

“Any news?” he asks and the doctor looks down at the file.

“Yes, but I’m afraid it’s nothing good.”

Ryan nods and bites his lip to stop it from trembling.

“Mr. Urie, I want to be honest with you. The chances that your husband will wake up are zero. His organs stopped working and his heart wouldn’t be beating without those machines.”

A sob escapes Ryan and he nods. The doctor waits a few seconds before holding a paper and a pen out.

Ryan frowns and reads through it.

“Really, the only thing we can do is stop his suffering.”

Ryan shakes his head, tears hot in his eyes.

“No, I won’t let you turn the machines off.”

“Mr- ”

“No!”

“Please, there is nothing we can do. He won’t wake up.”

Ryan turns and walks over to sit next to the bed again.

“He will. I don’t care what it takes.”

The doctor sighs and leaves the room.

Ryan takes Brendon’s hand again and smiles.

 

*

 

**Sam’s POV**

 

When I wake up the next morning Alex is wrapped around me, snoring loudly. I sigh and pat his head before carefully crawling out of his grip.

I get off the bed and stretch before walking into the kitchen where William and Ryan are leaning over a book.

“Uh, morning?” I try and get a bowl.

“Hey” both say in unison and I frown.

“What’s going on?” I ask and pour me some cereal.

“Nothing” Ryan says and I sigh, sitting down across from them.

I start eating, still watching them with narrowed eyes.

“Something’s going on.” I say with my mouth full and they finally look up at me.

“Tell him, Ry.” Will sighs and looks down again.

“Tell me what?”

Ryan bites his lip and sits up straight.

“The doctor wanted me to sign some papers … so they would turn the machines off.” He says quickly.

I freeze and stare at him.

“Don’t worry. That’s not gonna happen.” He adds and bites his lip.

I nod and frown.

“But what do you want to do?”

He smiles sadly and leans forward.

“You remember what we talked about some time ago?”

I blink at him before I know what he’s talking about.

“Please don’t tell me you want to make a deal with the devil.” I plead and William looks up.

“With a demon.” He corrects and I glare at him.

“You can’t be serious.”

“It’s not like I have another chance.” Ryan whispers.

I open my mouth to protest but I don’t know what to say.

“Ugh, morning” I hear a voice and turn to look at Alex who’s holding his head.

“Hangover?” Will asks and Alex glares at him.

“Alex, Ryan wants to sell his soul.” I say and look up at him.

He blinks at me and sits down next to me without a word.

“Well, if there’s no other way.”

I raise my eyebrows.

“What?!”

“Sam, think about it. Do you want Brendon to die?”

“I- ” I look away. “No”

“Then try to understand.”

“I do understand but there has to be another way.”

William shakes his head and Ryan crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“We’re doing it this evening.” Ryan says and gets up.

“Dad…” I look up at him pleadingly.

William pokes Ryan’s side and points to something on the page.

I watch them for a moment before getting up and rushing out of the room. I run into my room and slam the door shut. Only seconds later Alex opens the door and looks in carefully.

“Sam” he says and walks in, sitting on the bed beside me. “I know you’re just scared but Ryan decided and you have to accept it.”

I nod and remain silent.

We sit there for a while before Alex hugs me and kisses my forehead.

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

 

*

 

Alex and I don’t come out of my room the whole day until William walks in just before sundown. “Hey boys, we’re going to leave now.” He says and Alex looks at me.

I shrug and get up.

“Listen Sam, this isn’t as bad as it sounds. Just trust us, okay?”

I glare at Will and rush past him. In the hall Ryan is putting a jacket on and I ignore him, leaning against the wall.

“Sam…” he starts but I shake my head.

He sighs and nods at William when the other two join us. We leave and I don’t talk the whole ride to the hospital where I get out quickly and wait as Will gets his stuff out of the car.

“Remember what I told you?” he asks Ryan who just nods and walks in, the three of us following.

We walk past the reception quickly and to Brendon’s room. Ryan looks inside and opens the door for us when no one’s inside.

“Alright” Will says and gets a piece of chalk out.

I frown and watch him draw something on the ground.

“That’s a pentagram.” Alex says and I look at him. “What? I grew up with shit like that.”

Out of the corner of my eyes I see Ryan walk over to Brendon and kiss his cheek before he joins Will.

“And you’re absolutely sure about this?” I ask and he just smirks. “Fine then”

Alex sighs and grabs my arm to pull me over to the small table. I lean against it and watch with crossed arms.

Ryan looks back at Brendon before standing in front of the pentagram. Will hands him a piece of paper and shows him two thumbs up.

“I can do this.” Ryan mumbles before reading the words. Seems to be Latin or something like that.

After that he closes his eyes and pulls a knife out.

“Those shitty rituals never work without blood.” Alex sighs and shakes his head.

I ignore him and watch as Ryan holds the knife to his scarred wrist. Seconds later blood drips down and he holds his arm over the sign on the floor so it drips right in the middle of it.

He closes his eyes and waits. I look around and raise an eyebrow at Will who just shrugs.

Just when I’m about to laugh there’s a shrill sound and I cover my ears with my hands.

“What the fuck?!” Alex yells and shuts his eyes tightly.

I watch with wide eyes as a figure appears in the pentagram. It looks kind of like a human but completely different. Its eyes are completely black and the skin is white. I frown because I can’t really tell if it’s male of female either.

It starts to grin and reveals a pair of razor sharp teeth. I notice Ryan shaking and taking a deep breath before he talks.

“I want to make a deal.” He says and the demon smirks at him and grabs his arm, showing his large hand equipped with claws.

I watch with fascination as the cut heals quickly and the thing steps back again.

“What can I do for you, boy?” it asks and I flinch at the voice.

Ryan turns briefly and looks at Brendon.

“I want you to heal him and to wake him up.” He says firmly and the demon nods before smirking again.

“And what do I get? Huh?”

For a second I think I see the ghost of a smile on Ryan’s face before it’s emotionless again.

“You get my soul. But you go first.”

The thing nods and closes its eyes.

I frown for a moment but after a while the room starts to light up. A groan escapes me and I close my eyes at the light.

Alex grabs my hand and squeezes it until it’s over. I wait a bit more than necessary before I open my eyes and observe the scene. Nothing changed and I frown.

“Will, did it work?” Ryan asks without looking away and Will closes his eyes for a moment before nodding. “Good”

The demon blinks its eyes open and shows a too wide smile.

“Now, I believe you owe me a soul, pretty boy.”

Ryan nods and the thing grabs his arm again. Its eyes get white for a second before the light fades again.

“What the fuck?!” it cries and grips Ryan’s arm tighter. “What are you doing? Give me your fucking soul now!”

Ryan chuckles and shrugs.

“I’m sorry but I think I can’t decide that.” He says sweetly.

“There’s nothing there! What did you do?”

“There is something there but you’re not interested in dead souls.”

“You fucking- ”

Ryan cries out as the thing bores its claws in his arm.

“Would you mind letting him go?” a voice chimes in and I freeze, my eyes wandering to the bed.

I didn’t even notice Brendon get up. He’s standing beside the bed, not looking sick at all.

At that the demon looks up and laughs. It’s loud and shrill.

“Will, now!” Ryan yells and William throws something at the demon.

It breaks and it lets go of Ryan with a cry before going up in flames and disappearing.

After that it’s too quiet in the room before Brendon sighs.

“Ryan, what the fuck?”

Ryan whirls around and throws himself at Brendon, covering his face in kisses.

“You fucking stupid moron! I swear I won’t ever leave you alone again!”

Brendon chuckles and wraps his arms around him.

I stand there for another second before I run over to them to join the hug.

“Fuck, I missed you.” I mumble and Ryan nods.

We draw back after a while of cuddling and beam at each other.

“So do you know what happened?” Ryan asks and Brendon nods.

“I heard you guys talk. Ry, you annoyed me every day.” He laughs and Ryan punches his shoulder lightly. “And I don’t even want to start with this stupid idea. Ry, making a deal with a demon?”

“Hey, I researched and made sure this would work.” Will calls and Bren waves at him.

“Hello to you too. And hey, Alex. Can we go home now? I crave real food.”

Ryan laughs and hugs him again and I roll my eyes.

“I guess then everything is normal again?” I ask and he nods.

“Hell yes”

 

*

 

“Why do I have to wear this?” I whine and Ryan sighs while fixing my bowtie.

“Because it’s a prom.”

“I don’t care about the fucking prom.”

I hear Brendon laugh in the living room.

“No one cares. Just Ryan.” He says loud enough for us to hear.

“Shut up! You were the one who had to buy a new camera ‘just to make cute photos of the two lovebirds’.” Ryan calls and rolls his eyes.

“You two are sick. I will leave now. Without you.” I say and leave the bathroom.

Brendon walks out into the hall and chuckles.  
“We will be there and you will love it.”

“No, the ground will swallow me because of the embarrassment.”

Brendon sighs and hugs me.

“Shut up”

I push him away and laugh before grabbing my shoes.

“Fine, when he’s gone we need to fix your outfit.” Ryan says and rushes over to Brendon.

“It’s not my prom.”  
“I don’t care. You have to look perfect.”

“Why?”

I raise an eyebrow at them and chuckle, just leaving without them noticing.

I jump down the few stairs and push the front door open just to stumble into someone.

“Woah, hey there.”

I bite my lip and take a step back.

“You’re not allowed to see the bride yet!” Ryan yells from above us and I look up to see him leaning out of the window.

“I won’t look!” Alex laughs and grabs my hand to pull me to his new car.

“I won’t comment this.” I mumble and he chuckles.

“Good idea”

We get in the car and he starts it, beaming like a child.

“I have my own car! Can you believe this?!” he cheers and I smile.

“Yeah, it’s awesome. Now please don’t kill us and start driving.”

He nods and gets us out of the driveway.

Ten minutes later we reach the school and he parks in front of the gym.

“We will stay for an hour.” I warn and get out.

“Not if I can change your mind.”

“You can’t.”

“We will see.”

 

*

 

In the end it was a nice evening.

Even though our parents did show up an hour later it wasn’t awkward. They just stood in a corner and talked and laughed (well Brendon was running around with his camera and started showing it to random kids).

At first I swore myself not to dance but when Smooth by Santana was on Alex just pulled me up and, well … I did dance. 


End file.
